be adding to this section soon, I hope, so stay tuned.
Many of the things I've mentioned here I have already
discussed in other places, but some I want to go into
more depth on.)
and psychological manipulation tactics
to their room
Too much discipline, not enough love
Too much love, not enough discipline
Allowing them to do as they please as long as they agree
to accept the consequences.
when you should be disciplining
Allowing them to "release their frustrations"
instead of teaching them to control their tempers
and resolving their problems
Being too sympathetic to spank when spanking is needed
Ignoring temper tantrums and other disobedience
Treating children with psychotherapy as though they were
or 'consequence' discipline too often or inappropriately
Parental whining, begging, bribing, nagging
Giving a spanking as a �payment� for each misdeed
Losing your own self-control (temper)
Focusing on actions but not attitudes
Spanking only for the big things
Sending them to their room for punishment
Not really watching them
Not correcting soon enough
I despise manipulation, especially when a parent uses it
to exert their authority over their child.
I think of manipulation as a means of getting what one
wants by way of deception or with some sort of deceptive
intent. At minimum, manipulation involves getting what
one wants in a less than direct way, perhaps because of
fear of confrontation, or an unwillingness to confront a
How do you know what a person's intentions are? Well,
life experience teaches you a lot of things. Knowing
human nature teaches you a lot more, and knowing the
person involved teaches you the most. You really don't
have to be a rocket scientist to read a person's
intentions in most situations. Even if you can't discern
them completely, you can usually detect whether they are
honest and up front, or whether they are in some way
dishonest or questionable. Simply the attempt to
manipulate in the first place, rather than deal in a
straightforward manner, indicts deception, and at least
some sort of ill intent.
Of course I'm talking about two adults here. When you
move to the parent/child scenario that's different. A
child often cannot discern the spirit of the
manipulator. They were designed by God to trust their
parents, not suspect them of dishonesty. This natural
relationship, of authority and trust, allows the
manipulative parent to victimize the child to a far
greater degree than they could another adult.
When manipulative methods are employed by a parent,
especially on older children, it can create much
emotional damage. It hurts spirits and hearts and the
hurts can linger for a lifetime. It also teaches the
child wrong thought patterns. The learn to manipulate
just as they have been manipulated. A child can easily
become bitter when they learn they are being manipulated
and a manipulated child will often learn to manipulate
others themselves. Do not use manipulation on your
children. God gave you authority over your child, use it
with wisdom, kindness, and directness. Don't force
excessive or false guilt on your child. Do not teach
them to become passive/aggressive in the way they deal
with others. Be straightforward and kind, and teach them
to be the same.
6:12-15 "Let me describe for you a worthless and a
wicked man; first, he is a constant liar; he signals his
true intentions to his friends with eyes and feet and
fingers. He is always thinking up new schemes to swindle
people. He stirs up trouble everywhere. But he will be
destroyed suddenly, broken beyond hope of healing."
are what modern child rearing experts tell us to use
instead of spanking.
When small children misbehave, the parents are
supposed to tell them they will have to have a
�time-out� for a little while until they can act
the �time-out,� the child is supposed to sit in a
special chair or the like, and not be allowed to
continue with their play.
I always wondered how long the �time-out� was
supposed to last. I
have also wondered what the parents were supposed to do
if their child did not want to willingly go sit in the
assigned chair. I
cannot believe that the average child is not bright
enough to try resisting a little here.
What was to keep them in the chair should they
decide to leave? It
seemed, from what I have picked up, that miraculously,
after a short �time-out,� the child was supposed to
be well-behaved once again and allowed to play.
I could never quite figure out how or why this
transformation would occur, although everyone seems to
believe that it does.
short time ago, when I was at the doctor�s office, I
ran across an article in a popular parenting magazine
about �time-outs,� which answered at least a couple
of my questions. First
of all, I learned that you are supposed to begin by
using a playpen for your �time-outs� so your little
one will stay put.
You are supposed to ignore him if he screams,
cries, or otherwise protests.
This may sound difficult, but it really is not so
bad when you consider that the length of his
�time-out� is only to be one minute per year of
Now let�s get this straight.
two year old Freddie bites little Suzy, Mommy should
calmly pick him up and place him (perhaps kicking and
screaming) in his playpen.
(Before she does this, she is to tell him that
she really loves him and that she knows that it is hard
for him to not bite when he
wants to, but that biting really isn�t very
nice and that he should not do it any more.)
Two minutes later, he will be a perfect playmate
again and ready to go back to being with Suzy.
Have you ever had a two year old? Do you believe this?
child to his room:
Question: After spanking my
toddler, I send him to his room for a few minutes.
Sometimes he'll quietly sit on his bed until I call for
him. Other times he'd angrily throw his pillows and
blankets on the floor. Sometimes I am busy with the new
baby and can't address that behavior right away. When I
call him out to talk with him about why I spanked him,
he won't look me in the face. I'll tell him to look at
me while I talk to him. He'll look at the floor, at the
ceiling, anywhere but at me. I would welcome your
ideas on how to handle this situation.
Answer: This illustrates why I
virtually never send a child to his room. Many children
will just use it as an opportunity to continue with
their bad attitude or pout or throw their own private
tantrum, etc. I am more interested in changing the
attitude (character) than the action, so when I
discipline I don't consider myself done until they have
a good attitude. If I spank, I then keep the child right
there with me where I can observe their attitude. If
they won't look at me, I will give them another swat
until they will look at me. (And getting them to look at
you is very important.) This is no different than any
other kind of disobedience. Decide what you want to have
happen, then insist that it happen. If you are
consistent, this won't last long. When they have decided
that they were wrong and that they are going to obey
you, THEN you can release them with the attitude that
you expect them to continue to obey. I usually give them
some direction such as, "Now go play with your
train in the family room". (Where I can watch them
from the kitchen.)
and worldly so-called "experts" would have you
believe that babies under the age of two or three, or
even older, should not be disciplined at all.
They often insist that these children aren't
capable of understanding how to behave.
I recently read that children under the age of
ten do not have a fully developed con
science, so we cannot expect them not to lie!
Don't believe it. These "experts" tell us that
it is normal for children to be loud, rowdy, and
disobedient. It certainly is normal, by today's
standards, but is that what you want for your
don't listen to these "experts."
I read their advice and the future I visualize
frightens me. Their
approach is very much akin to the psychotherapy methods
originally intended as treatment for the mentally ill. I
do not desire to have my children BECOME mentally ill by
treating them as though they already were.
In my personal experience I have found that the
parents I have met, who have earned degrees in the areas
of Early Childhood Development, or Education, are often
the ones with the most difficult, hard-to-handle
such child repeatedly tried to place a heavy leather
cloth over my newborn baby's face after being told
several times that this could smother the baby.
He did this repeatedly when he was sure no one
was looking, and he was definitely old enough to know
what he was doing.
His "expert" mother later took him to a
counselor after he threatened to kill his own baby
fear for our country when I realize how widespread the
teaching of this worldly child rearing philosophy has
become, and how readily it is being accepted by even
It is often mixed in with some good or
We must identify it and reject it.
Children can and should be trained in obedience and good
attitudes at a very early age. �Stop
listening to teaching that contradicts what you know is
right.� Proverbs 19:27